Chapter 4 Discussion

You’ve made it through Part 1! Thanks for coming back.

I have an apology to make: I goofed! At the end of each Part is a document of some sort that tells you a little more. I accidentally left this out at the end of Chapter 3. So you can just go back there and read it now if you missed it before.

I wrote most of Part 2 after our daughter was born; I was fortunate enough to take 4 weeks of paternity leave and spent many hours in front of the computer with her asleep on my lap. I am not sure what effect this had on the story– I suspect I won’t know the answer until I finish entirely, and maybe even after that. There are some pretty intentional differences between each Part, but since everything so far was written over the span of years, I’m curious to hear about the differences you notice because they may not have all been conscious decisions.

In any case, thanks again for continuing to read.

Chapter 4


4 thoughts on “Chapter 4 Discussion

  1. I’m enjoying the story. I think I’d enjoy it more without the one month gap between chapters, but this is fun too 😉

    Couple minor notes towards the end: the description of Jessi says: “She was dressed in a light blue blouse and khaki pants with a puffy brown coat zipped all the way up.” If the coat was zipped all the way up, how did Hannah know she had a light blue blouse? (the perspective seems to be that of Hannah, and not omniscient).

    You’re missing a word or phrase in this sentence, ““Maybe I will get a salad,” said Hannah, trying not to the derisive tone that Jessi had used…”


    1. Good catches, Dan! I proofread and edit at the same time, so if I make a new mistake I’m not always catching those. I wish I could publish faster, but life is crazy and there’s only so much time to write!


  2. Hey Matthew,

    I’m behind on the chapters being released, but I like it because I get to read bigger chunks at a time. My points are minor/nit-picks.

    I would have liked to have a little more detail on the description of Dario. Sorry, but just a “bigger build” and a description of the clothing makes me wonder how I’ll find this character again if he ever gets back in the story. Maybe he won’t, but then, why did you put him there? A description of one or two facial features would have been helpful, especially since you spent all those words describing his dress.

    Also, when the girl at the end is requesting something not deep-fried, etc, you start the description by using the adjective “grilled” and I would say that most health-conscious people are looking for something grilled instead of deep-fried, so you can probably leave out that adjective.



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